I’m back from vacation looking forward to getting back into my routine and doing all those things I do post-vacation. But something is missing. Before we left I made the hardest decision I’ve made in my life to date. My 17-year old Jack Russell, who everyone close to me knows as Cooper Beans, the man I have been with the longer than anyone, my most loyal companion, my shadow for 17 years was not here. He was not in the house that I built 18 years ago and that he lived in with me for 17 of those 18 years. Processing. Deep breaths.
Cooper deteriorated so fast this last year. I mean there were some things that came on slowly, like losing his hearing and vision but we could help him with that. He lost his ability to jump up on the furniture so we got him steps or helped him out. He could no longer make it through the daily walks so we got him a stroller. He couldn’t get up and down the steps anymore so we carried him, even getting up multiple times at night to let him outside. He lost his food ambition, so we spiced it up for him. It worked for a while. He was not the same dog anymore. One of his favorite things to do was ride in the car and stick his head out the window. He was not at all interested in this activity during his last car ride. All of this along with seizures and aggressive myopathy where he was losing control of his back legs among other things. Can you imagine my jumping bean not being able to walk?
I could have gambled. I could have left him with my dogsitter while we were out of the country for a month. But all those what-ifs would be hanging out there. His loyalty deserved me to be there during his final hours, right? I’m still beside myself. Who decided it was up to us to determine when their time is up? I asked everyone around me what to do, all of those who had seen Bean in the last year. No matter where my heart was there was a consensus. My love for him left me not seeing things for what they really were. I guess. I really wanted a sign from him but what that was I have no idea. I do know he was no longer having fun and Cooper Beans had fun doing everything!
I’m going to try to celebrate his life in this blog post and show you all the things he loved. I hope you enjoy it. He was one of kind.
Cooper loved his pack. He loved all the dogs that came through our door. Even when they didn’t love him. He was always easy going around other dogs. Sometimes his playfulness found aggression but it was in good fun. He outlived all four of my six other dogs. My mother-in law said he was always “sturdy”.
He loved the backyard. My friends would always laugh watching him obsessively sniff the wall where sometimes there were dogs on the other side but not always. He would sniff so hard it was a snort that you could hear from in the house and it would leave a stain on the wall. He would also start barking if he felt strongly enough about what was on the other side. I loved seeing his butt with that tail straight up. I hadn’t seen his tail up like this in maybe a year.
If overnight something, like a cat, was in the yard Cooper Beans knew! He would run around the yard like a maniac, for hours!
Cooper loved the pool and he was a great swimmer. He was always jumping, all four feet at once, onto the first step of the pool for a dip. He would beg to float around on the raft. He created chaos when someone was swimming in the pool without him, barking while running around the pool demanding to get in!
The only person who ever got him to jump in to the pool was my nephew Dalton about 10 years ago. They had a special relationship. Cooper loved Dalton.
Both my niece and nephew had a special relationship with their cousin Cooper Beans. They call him “snick” a word we use for our dogs. He was the original snick.
Bean was an EXCELLENT traveler. The first time he ever flew I took him to mom’s for Christmas. I gave him a little liquid Benadryl because I read that I should but he was so good I never gave him anything again. He was patient when traveling around with me. When Jersey and I started dating I had him on that 5 hour flight to Newark for consecutive weekends. He really just wanted to be with me, it didn’t matter how or where.
He loved being at mom’s so much that I took him in 2015 knowing it would be the last time as his vision and hearing were going. He had such a good time with all the other dogs, sitting around the fire and just hanging out with family.
Cooper loved a good hike! When he was younger I took him to many mountain ranges in the valley. I’d let him run off the leash because he was so obedient. I remember in New Jersey taking him through the a park called the Tourne. This is when Jersey told me his breed was meant to run through the brush. He is telling me this as Cooper is bounding through the leaves. Such a good memory. The last couple years I would take him for small hikes but he would often need help finishing.
Bean enjoyed a good conversation. I loved talking to him too. He was so attentive!
He loved big black girlfriends. When Cooper first came to us I had my Dane Daisy. They connected immediately. He would chase her around the yard playfully biting her ankles. She died about 2 years later and I was distraught. After this Cooper changed. He got quiet and what I saw as thoughtful. He definitely needed more of me and I wanted it to be just him and I. This is when I started taking him everywhere, no matter how far. When Prada came along he found the same love for that big black girl.
He loved a good nap, even if he was sharing his napping space. This last year he slept hard, not hearing a sound. I envied him a bit.
Because Cooper was the patriarch of the family I was always sure to honor that. When I knew he was at his wits end with the other dogs, I gave him a break and took him somewhere by himself. He would sit in the front seat on the way doing his thing. Then it was just about him and I. He got me all to himself and I’m pretty sure he loved it.
Cooper loved to ride the hump. He would find the most peculiar places to sit. He was very athletic so nothing shocking . . just super cute.
He loved Murman our rescue. They really had a special relationship. We have found a ton of love and satisfaction with rescuing and Cooper Beans was my first rescue. A friend didn’t find a bond with him to I took him in. Best decision I ever made.
Cooper was always a cute dog but he remained cute for his entire 17 years. He never really aged. I took so many pictures of him because of his cuteness. He also made me cute. How will I deal?
Jersey loved to dress him up and send me pictures with funny comments. Bean was always up for the fun. One of my very first blog posts was Jersey putting a backpack on him and telling me he was leaving.
Sometimes he took his costumes a little too seriously.
But most of all Cooper wanted to hang out with me. He was my shadow. Even when he couldn’t get around he waited patiently for my attention. Did I give him all I could? Was I always present? Will I ever forgive myself for giving up on him?
I haven’t felt this level of grief ever in my life. I cried every day of our trip. I wailed for the first time in decades – more than once. I’m crying now. If you read this thank you for sending off my little dog with me and closing this chapter of my blessed life.
Weekly Inspiration
I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I love you for my life, you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin’ my song for you – A Song for You – Leon Russell
